Why MY BODY is MY MUSE
When I look back at my life, I realise that I had body image issues from a young age.
I can remember back to being about 11, and my breasts were just starting to emerge. I went away with my granny, on a special trip to visit my cousins. Even though the weather was unusually warm for winter, I refused to take off my jersey the whole time. Because I was embarrassed about these new boob-y things!
I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder, and didn’t get to the stage where I was dangerously skinny, but in retrospect I realise that I was anorexic as a teenager. I had really bad eating habits, and would swing between starving myself and bingeing. I realise now that my mom worried about me, but I either hid my habits well enough, or somehow managed to convince her that I was okay. Yet, although I never got thin enough to become ill, I wasn’t really okay.
Mirrors are an interesting thing!
As far back as I can remember, any time I looked in a mirror, the first thing I would see was my bulging tummy. Yet, when I recently connected with an old school friend I hadn’t seen in years, she said that the other girls had been so envious of me. They all wished they had a figure like mine…
I wouldn’t have believed her back then, but I do now. I even found photos of me at sixteen in a bikini, and yes, I was gorgeous! No fat tummy in sight.
I know my body isn’t perfect. I still am not comfortable wandering naked around the house. And I do the home version of bikini waxes because it’s more comfortable and convenient, and well, private… But even though my body isn’t perfect, it is mine, and I am comfortable in it.
I got to this point intuitively, using my creative process.
In recent years, I have suffered major health issues which impacted the physical appearance of the body I had just gotten comfortable with. My colon was removed resulting in an angry scar from my tummy button all the way down, and the resurgence for a while of that bulging stomach. Breast cancer ended up in a mastectomy and reconstruction—physical changes to adjust to, as well as the fear that my body wasn’t ever going to be healthy again.
I returned once again to my creative process, and my belief in the connectedness of mind, body, and spirit.
My creativity, each time, helped me to understand what had changed for me, and to see things from my new perspective. Then I could embrace those changes, physical and emotional.
Everything I have learnt along the way has become integrated into the 9-step process upon which my programs and coaching is based.